i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
