rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I skipped work to stalk him.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
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All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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