I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the day after is always just damage control
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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