Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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