this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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