Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
