the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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