don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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