a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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