He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
