guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
