I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
