Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
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Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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