cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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