come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
