There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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