What a fucking waste of an outfit
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
