haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
