What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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