So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
