You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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