From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
