Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
