She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
