Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
cat food counts as protein by the way
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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