Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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