Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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