The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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