i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
