I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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