My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
