It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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