i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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