I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
