i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
