If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
