I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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