So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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