We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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