your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.