You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
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I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/