her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
false alarm, still single
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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