I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship