i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."