Too much gin, very little bucket
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
