you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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