Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
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when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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