im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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