I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
