Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
