i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!