Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad