its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.