Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.