i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
