apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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