They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
