somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just had sex bonerless
Michael Bay diarrhea
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
