i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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