My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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