At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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