Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
