tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
