theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
