non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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