just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize