I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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