were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
